A few weeks ago, Sheila insisted that we get her a Jitterbug, the Senior Cell Phone. After a few weeks of use, she loved it so much that she called the company and asked if she could provide a testimonial. Here is a preview of that testimonial (please note that she refers to D and I as "guys"):
"Technology scares me. When guy's cell phone would vibrate or ring or do anything, I would run the other way and hide under the table. I tried to use regular cell phones but I could never dial they [sic] number with those too-small keys. I also inadvertently sent text messages to Olde Country Buffet when I was simply trying to call them to find out what the daily special was. And I have several pictures of my crotch because I accidentally used they [sic] camera function on guy's cell phone while trying to call for the time and temperature. And I can't even tell you how many times guys have yelled at me for a high cell phone bill because I accidentally accessed the internets [sic] while trying to phone in refills to Walgreens.
"That's why guys got me a Jitterbug. I love my new Jitterbug! They [sic] keys are big enough for me to dial without having to use my dialing stick [a pencil]. There are no complicated, new-fangled features like text message, a camera or the internets. And I can finally read the number that I'm dialing before I make a call so that I know it's Sizzler and not a gay phone sex line. And I've gotten to know Candy, my favorite operator with Jitterbug who helps me place calls when I don't know the number. She even helped me build my contact list! With guy's cell phone, I could never figure that out! And I can't even tell you how many times the beaded lanyard has prevented me from dropping my jitterbug in the litterbox.
"THANKS, JITTERBUG!"
"Technology scares me. When guy's cell phone would vibrate or ring or do anything, I would run the other way and hide under the table. I tried to use regular cell phones but I could never dial they [sic] number with those too-small keys. I also inadvertently sent text messages to Olde Country Buffet when I was simply trying to call them to find out what the daily special was. And I have several pictures of my crotch because I accidentally used they [sic] camera function on guy's cell phone while trying to call for the time and temperature. And I can't even tell you how many times guys have yelled at me for a high cell phone bill because I accidentally accessed the internets [sic] while trying to phone in refills to Walgreens.
"That's why guys got me a Jitterbug. I love my new Jitterbug! They [sic] keys are big enough for me to dial without having to use my dialing stick [a pencil]. There are no complicated, new-fangled features like text message, a camera or the internets. And I can finally read the number that I'm dialing before I make a call so that I know it's Sizzler and not a gay phone sex line. And I've gotten to know Candy, my favorite operator with Jitterbug who helps me place calls when I don't know the number. She even helped me build my contact list! With guy's cell phone, I could never figure that out! And I can't even tell you how many times the beaded lanyard has prevented me from dropping my jitterbug in the litterbox.
"THANKS, JITTERBUG!"
5 comments:
Initial reaction: "A-HA-HA-HAAAAAA, HEE-HEE, BA-HA-HA-HAAAAA *pausing to wipe tear from eye* EH-HEH, A-HA-HA-HEEEHHHHHH, OOOOO... A-HAHN. A-HEH. A-HEH-HEH-HEEEEEEEEEHHHN... Ooohhh" and so forth. That hit the right spot, guy!
One of my faves re: this post is the link to the beaded lanyard.
My fav is "[sic]".
The following should be noted about Sheila and her cell phone:
(1) She is constantly holding the damn thing upside down and trying to talk in the ear piece.
(2) Since she can't hear well because of one above, she yells very loudly at all times when on the phone.
(3) Just in case we are calling to ask for her order at Noodle Zone (which happened once when we first moved to Chicago about two years ago), she always answers the phone like so: "GUYS?! PAD THAI! WHO IS THIS?"
This reminds me of why I wanted to start a blog with you guys in the first place... oh, the hilarity!
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