So I assume you all have heard Mitch Hedberg. But my iGoogle Quote of the Day just reminded me how very funny he is.
I didn't go to college but if I did, I would've taken all my tests at a restaurant "'cause the customer's always right."
I like escalators because an escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You'll never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs". Sorry for the convenience. We apologize that you can still get up there.
When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it's busy so they start a waiting list, they say, "DuFresnes, party of two, table ready for DuFresnes, party of two." And if no one answers they'll say the name again: "DuFresnes, party of two." But then if no one answers, they'll move on to the next name. "Bush, party of three." Yeah, but what happened to the DuFresnes!? No one seems to care! Who can eat at a time like this!? People are missing. You people are selfish. The DuFresnes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they're hungry. That's a double whammy. We need help. "Bush, search party of three. You can eat once you find the DuFresnes."
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