Are you trying to tell me something?

I have this friend (we'll call her "J") who absolutely refuses to add me as a friend on Facebook.  I'm trying not to take offense, but it's getting pretty hard to ignore.  I mean, I thought we were close.  I was in her wedding, even!  And we practically lived together in Denver.  Sometimes we'd spend the entire weekend together.  That is, until either (1) she'd start to stink (she showers an average of .5 times per weekend) or (2) one of us got annoyed with the other.  I'm not sure what I could have done.  Except... well, I'm keeping her sunglasses held hostage.  But is THAT enough to prevent e-networking?  This blogger thinks not!  OK fine.  I'll TRY to remember to go to the Post Office this weekend.  I promise.  But, I'll ONLY do that if J adds me as a friend on Facebook.  

Come back to me, J. Come back to Cold Mountain.