drum roll please...

And now this is really, truly actually the 100th post!!!!

IN YOUR FACE, LEON!

Funny story...J gets one of her nicknames from the word that comes up in T9word for text messaging on a cell phone...Leon instead of Jenn.

Has anyone noticed that I've been posting nonsense just to get us to the 100th post? BOOYA!

OVER IT!

So sorry to be political but I just have to say to Hillary, Obama and the Democratic Party:

I'M OVER IT!!

Actually, I should be directing some of this at the media. But this primary season has gone on way too long. And if I have to hear one more of these shetbags talk about Reverend Wright or something else that DOESN'T MATTER I am going to scream. This primary is damaging the party and its chances of winning back the presidency. So I beg you...Hillary...just DROP OUT. Thank you. It should now be an easy decision...superdelegate Cole has backed your opponent.

SHOES

So here's another thing I stole from Liam Sullivan's blog. This is hilarious and definitely in the same vein of I Can Has Cheezburger.

i'm gonna betch slap you!

So D and I went with some friends to see Margaret Cho this weekend. She was fabulously funny as usual. But the guy that opened for her, Liam Sullivan, is pretty funny. His character Kelly is hilarious. Here's an example:

Superdelegate Revealed

In a political stunner, Cole Erik O'Donnell has just revealed himself to be one of the fabled Democratic Party superdelegates!  C.E.O., President of the Cook County Cats for Change, has thrown his support behind Democratic front-runner Barack Obama.  O'Donnell refused to comment on his decision, but his sister, Sheila Beyoncé Solange Knowles Dytri, held a press conference to announce her support for George W. Bush's third term.  It is unclear what Dytri's support will mean considering a third term is unconstitutional, and considering she has absolutely no say in the matter.  We will have more on this breaking story as it unfolds.

Photo Caption: Cole Erik O'Donnell in his office at the Cook County Cats for Change

This blog best on Mac

Not to disappoint all you Windows kids out there, but the blog is super crisp and a pleasure to read on my Mac.  When I am at work and blogging (if my boss is reading this, I'm kidding!), it's like I have Vaseline on my screen.  This is why I need an iphone.  I want to blog on the go!  I'm positive I would blog way more than I do now, and my iphone would work seamlessly on my Mac.  If I saw a disgusting person on the bus, I could take their picture and blog something awful about them in a span of five minutes!  

This is where you come in, Apple.  We'd love you to sponsor our blog.  Think of the opportunities!  We'd let you use us in your commercials, for starters.  You could use the blogging craze as a justification for Americans to try the iphone.  AND you could set our commercial to one of Madonna's Hard Candy songs (in stores Tuesday!) -- I'd suggest "Beat Goes On" since the commercial would likely have a travelin' theme.  It really would be a win-win for all of us -- Apple, Madonna, AND this blog.  We'd move products off the shelves, and people would learn to love P. D. and J.  And Madonna!  Honey!  You could give us free tickets to your concerts and we could blog live from the concert.  This just gets better and better, doesn't it?  

As I'm sure Apple execs reading this will need to know where to begin, please send one of us an email.  We'll provide our mailing addresses so that you can send our FREE iphones, and we'll get this party started.  

Anxiously awaiting your e,

P. D. and J.

How To

One of my favorite additions to my iGoogle page is wikiHow. You can find all SORTS of helpful information. Like, How to Draw Graffiti Names, or How to Win a Street Fight. While I have never tried those out, they might come in handy some day should I be initiated into a gang. (What I picture: some set of circumstances by which I find myself in an inner city and need the help of some gang members in order to continue my mission. But they refuse to help me until I prove myself. Thus, the initiation. Scene ends with said gang members thinking I am cool.)
But others I HAVE found helpful: How to Open a Door With a Credit Card, How to Exercise Your Eyes, How to Write a Rap Song, How to Run up a Wall and Flip. Not that any of those went especially well, but yet another reason I love the internet: it makes me think my potential is unlimited.

Distribution of Me

This is not meant as a competing post to P's, but I wanted to include the graphic.  This is a distribution of D's across the United States.  And it's based on "listings", so we know there are more.  I'm not listed currently, so add "one" to Illinois!

This was also one my faves.

Then, there's always this one.  But generally speaking, I only get the "Are you Ozzy and

 Harriet's son" crap from supermarket check-out ladies.  

Am I really that unique?

Have you ever googled yourself? I just did (can you tell I'm busy at work today?) and it came back with 125,000 hits (D would get A LOT MORE...I'm just saying...trying to make myself feel better). Now that doesn't necessarily mean that there are 125,000 other P's out there but still...that's a lot.

Also, those that share my moniker are BORING. And on the whole nerdy and unattractive (try an images.google.com search of your name too...scary!). Lots of men of the cloth as well. Why is that?

LinkedIn also gives another indication of just how boring my kind are: project manager (dig at someone I know), director of pricing (yawn), self-employed (smokes weed), underwriting officer (sounds so official...officially boring!), accountant (taped glasses), regional sales manager (isn't that like...everyone on the Office?), independent professional (smokes weed AND crack), credit risk and insolvency administrator (I just may be at risk of becoming insolvent right now...huh?).

So I ask all of our readers to search themselves on the internets. What you find may scare you!

(And now I've officially contributed to this blog...I am busy!)

Recycling: Now at Work!

Today they announced a new recycling initiative at work! I promptly filled up the new bin in our area with all the crap I've been meaning to take home. But, it's about freakin' time, work!

So, this wasn't much of a post, but it's something, right? Enough to keep the "D" in the name, I hope!

100TH POST!

And it's MINE, ALL MINE.

Happy Earth Day!

So my new focus on the green front is personal care. I found this great website:



The website has tons on information on green living.

Specifically, the True Beauty section has recipes for face cleansers and moisturizers (olive oil!), body scrubs, etc. So simple and cheap! And good for the environment. I can't imagine the waste product generated by packaging the face lotion I normally use. I slathered on some olive oil this morning and was surprised--it doesn't feel greasy at all! I will keep you posted on my progress in this area.

Heartwarming

Watch this elephant, rescued from abusive treatment in Burma, now paint an amazing self portrait. You'll be amazed at how his talent unfolds.

So touched by their horrific backgrounds and loving personalities, ExoticWorldGifts.com now supports, "Starving Elephant Artisans" by selling their paintings so they can continue to have a new life in Thailand.

Restaurant Review. Next Time You're in Denver...

try TOAST!

Dave, who is not a foodie, loves the way Westword food critic Jason Sheehan writes (he happens to be up for this year's James Beard award). When Dave pointed out this article, I knew I had to someday try Toast.

I LOVE pancakes. I consider myself a connoisseur. I know what they should be. But what they could be--after this morning, I intend to seek out many more pancake experiences.

First of all--a shout-out to Carrie and the McDowells who directed us to Lulu's in Brooklyn for the most fabulous pancakes in that city. Those were definitely eye-opening.

We had driven by yesterday when I yelled (so he said) to Dave that we still need to try Toast. We read the review in January, for Pete's sake!

This morning, my wonderful husband surprised me when I stuck my face in his and begged for something to get me out of bed at 10am. He said, "We could go to Toast..." I was pretty much dressed and ready to go in even LESS than my usual 5 minutes.

It's a ways away, but so worth it. After scanning the menu, Dave spotted before I did my obvious choice: the Pancake Flight.

The platter features "four stacks of pancakes, sampling each of our three signature flavors and the pancake of the month!" Which might sound daunting (esp. when the waitress assured me NO ONE ever finishes it), but it came out on a 4 x 10 rectangle plate and the "stacks of pancakes" were only 2 dollar-sized pancakes for each type.

I need to interject I am not a big fan of flavored pancakes. Pancakes plain are good enough for me. If given a stack of 3, I will eat the first two plain (okay, with butter) and finally add a touch of syrup to the third.

The varieties of pancakes this morning were:

Lemon Blueberry Buttermilk Pancakes. "Gingersnap cookie crusted pancakes with lemon zest, blueberries, and topped with blueberries and fresh whipped cream." If "lemon zest" and "fresh whipped cream" didn't give it away, these were DELIGHTFUL.

Bananas Foster Pancakes. "Banana and pecan pancakes topped with fosters sauce, bananas and pecans. Served with fresh whipped cream." Now that I read it, that doesn't come CLOSE to doing these pancakes justice. It tasted like a cloud of homemade banana pudding with just a hint of toffee crunch and caramel sauce on top.

Strawberry Banana Cheesecake Pancakes. Are you getting a stomach ache reading this? They really were not overwhelming. They were pancakes first, flavors second. Which I appreciated. I also declared to our waitress seven different times I was definitely going to finish all of them. And asked if I would get a free t shirt if I did. (Answer: No.) "Graham cracker crusted strawberry banana flapjacks (there's my synonym!) topped with warm cream cheese sauce, strawberries, and finished with strawberry coulis and fresh whipped cream." Again: I'd describe them as pancakes first, strawberry-banana cheesecake second.

And finally: (are you ready??) Oreo Cookie Pancakes. "Oreo cookie crusted flapjacks, with vanilla marshmallow fluff and hot fudge (say it with me: ) topped with fresh whipped cream."

Unfortunately, after the first two bites, I knew I had to be done. Otherwise I knew I'd feel stretch marks breaking out on my internal organs. Not enough to take home (and I hate soggy Oreos--kudos to Toast for keeping the ones on my pancakes fresh and crisp!), so I had to sneak out with my tail between my legs. Dave said he was still proud of me. (He had the Big Breakfast and said it was "perfect". And raved about the bacon. Which I kept having to have a bite of to "cut the sweetness". And he let me. Even though it was his favorite. Sometimes, he really is amazing.)

So. If that wasn't enough to tempt you to fly to Denver JUST to eat at Toast, they also had "Crab Cake Benedict" on the menu. (And a bunch of sandwiches on the other side, but REALLY...)

Oh, this game of politics

I think a big part of why I find politics so interesting is because of the take on the Big Game by shows like The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. Don't you?? Also, do only liberals watch these shows? Just curious.

Is it my imagination, or could D (or P, but he's always "too busy") have been the screen writer on EdWords?

Madonna Reference

It's that time again...

The Secretary just put on her Afternoon Perfume. She puts it on in the bathroom, which has a fan, and is approximately 35 feet and around 2 corners from my office.

Nevertheless, it always meanders down here and invades my office. My tiny, hot office. It makes me claustrophobic and I am feeling a bit nauseous.

It's a nice idea (from someone who thought she was getting away with not wearing deodorant for a while only to find she was not, in fact, getting away with it), but LIGHTEN UP! Why don't perfume bottles come with directions?

It probably is a nice perfume when worn in moderation. Right now, however, it strikes me like something trying too hard to cover up something ELSE.

I am tempted to say something. Maybe: "Whoa! Did you spill perfume?!" Or, "What I like to do is spray one mist and walk into it. It's more subtle that way." Or perhaps, "I'm SO SORRY, but I have allergies and I need you to stop wearing so much perfume." Or, I could just find another job since I am so unhappy with this one that the Secretary's excessive perfume sends me into a tizzy.

Wilde Happenings

On Saturday night, P and I went out with Derek and his friends to celebrate Derek's birthday. Derek is P's childhood friend who also happens to live in Chicago.

We met at Wilde Bar & Restaurant. It was a really nice place. We sat by a roaring fire sipping our drinks while we waited for a table. The food was incredible. I had a chipotle turkey burger, and P had the rosemary roasted garlic chicken. They also brought Derek a fab dessert: Guiness chocolate cake. Derek's friends were lovely company.

THEN our check came. *ominous music* I was paying with a check card, along with two other people. There was a large pile of cash. Two of the cards made it back to the table. Mine did not. My receipt made it, though. We immediately notified the waiter. Turns out THEY LOST MY CARD ON THE WAY BACK FROM THE CASH REGISTER! It was literally twenty feet from our table. They pulled out flashlights and everything. I was enraged, as was everyone else. He took my name and number so he could get in contact with me later, and that's ALL he did. No free food, no real apology, nothing.

So, I cancelled my card when I got outside. The operator said, "They LOST your card?!". Yes, Ms. Operator, they did. I use that check card for everything. As I'm sure most of you know, I never carry cash. I'm still waiting for my replacement. The good news is, I got a call about an hour later saying they'd found my card. It was under someone else's table. I can only assume he was so animated when swiping my card that it flew out of his hand. Too bad I'd already cancelled it.

Bus Etiquette?

As I've mentioned several times now, I take the bus to work. I get on at the third stop, and get off very close to the end of the line. That means I always get a seat.

This morning, I heard a man in a burgundy blazer loudly complaining to a young girl that got on at his stop how "rude" people who do not let a "lady" sit down are. I'm curious how our readers feel about this. I took offense. A "lady"?! Meaning this 26 year old young woman was so fragile and weak that a man should immediately offer up his seat to her? I will give my seat to (1) an old person, (2) an injured person, (3) a disabled person or (4) someone pregnant or having small children. I will not simply stand so that a perfectly healthy woman can sit her ass down where I was. And why should I? Didn't women work incredibly hard for the same rights as the "menfolk"? Aren't there STILL disparities in how much women are paid compared to men? And couldn't this mentality that women be offered the seats of men because they have boobs contribute to sexism in general?

I should point out that "Ron Burgundy" was also loudly talking on his cell phone at one point during our trip. Talk about rude.

Album of the year

Cole has been having trouble getting his MySpace page up and running (he's not as tech-savvy as Sheila although she isn't that great either). He wants the space to promote his new album. So, being the gracious guy that I am, I let him have some space on our blog to tell you all about it. (I think he was a little jealous that Sheila had a post and he didn't.)

"Album of the year. Dat's [sic] what they [sic] be sayin' [sic] at da [oh, you get the idea...] next MTV VMAs and da Grammys and da Country Music Awards and da American Music Awards and da Billboard Music Awards and da MTV Europe Awards. You want a album produce by Timberland? [sic...I can't let you think that I don't know it's Timbaland]...I got dat shit! You want dat guy JT? Check out my track "Sexxy Crack"! Ladonna? [he means Madonna...he's stupid...] She's on there too wit my hot mess single "Me Against Ladonna". Buy dis now on iTune, AmazonMP3.com, Napster and guys can also send you a signed copy if you send me $99.95 plus S&H. Dat's hot!!!!!!!!!!"

1. Fart Lady 3:43
2. Sexxy Crack (feat. Justin Timberlake, Timbaland) 4:54
3. Me Against Ladonna (feat. Madonna) 5:30
4. Everybody Look At Me (Guyeater) (feat. Nelly Furtado) 12:30
5. What Da Hell Dat Noize? (Radio Edit) 2:20
6. I Hate Dat Bitch Sheila (feat. Kanye West, Andre 3000) 3:45
7. Do You Realize? (How F'in Hungry I am) 5:44
8. Get Offa My Ass (feat. Mick Jagger) 4:30
9. Stupid Monkey Head (Under The Bed) 185:43
10. Fart Lady (Victor Calderone Club Dub) 7:40
11. Fart Lady (DJ Sheila D Techno-Bass-Jungle-Rave Mix) 8:01
12. Fart Lady (Daft Punk's Sickest Smell Mix) 5:40
13. What Da Hell Dat Noize (Long Version) 6:30
14. Sexxy Crack (Timbaland's Litterbox Journey Mix) 7:02*
15. I Hate Dat Bitch Sheila (Stupid Bitch Mix) 6:44**

*Bonus track with purchase of autographed copy

**Available only on Japanese version