Death Panels

I know, I know--not exactly the lightest topic for my first post in the new year. But this article grabbed my attention and I'd like a chance to explain why.


Obama Administration Reverses Decision On End-Of-Life Counseling

I really don't care if end-of-life counseling is included as a part of the new Medicare update.  As the article points out, medical practitioners will generally counsel patients on their rights and encourage them to have a living will in place anyways.  What I DO mind is that every time the idea that you have any right to end your own life and avoid suffering a painful and humiliating death comes up, it's squashed by I-don't-even-know-who.  I don't want to generalize and say "conservatives" because I would guess opinions vary based on people's individual experience. 

As for my own experience, my Grandma broke her hip and was on her way to recovery when she had a stroke, slipped into a coma and we decided not to continue her medical care.  She was 90.  The doctors had no hope for her recovery.  And still, the best we could do for her was to decline life support and wait for her to die.  For FIVE DAYS. 

Not only was this painful for my family as we waited for the inevitable, but I know my Grandma was in pain.  She moaned everytime they had to administer to her.  Which, by the way--thank God we were there to demand that she be attended to--her morphine shots were ALWAYS late and we ALWAYS had to track someone down and get their attention.  What if we hadn't been there as consistently as we were?

Soon after, I had to go to the ER with back pain.  I know it doesn't sound like much, but it hurt to even breathe.  They gave me FOUR doses of morphine.  Not only did I feel a surge of anxiety each time (they explained that your body reacts with adrenaline), but the pain didn't stop--I just started to feel so loopy I didn't really mind.  I couldn't help but think of my Grandma.  They assured us she didn't feel pain, but I now know they couldn't guarantee that.  The fact that we let her body fight for 5 days in what was probably--at least at times--excruciating pain will always haunt me.

At one point, I asked the hospice nurse if they could administer enough morphine to kill her.  I put it almost as bluntly as that.  She gasped as she grabbed the cross around her neck and tersly said no.

On the last of her five days, I told my Grandma, in front of the rest of my family, that I had to leave for the day and told her she didn't have to wait for me to get back in order to die.  I said it in a joking way since that's how I always talked to my Grandma--and she always got a kick out of me.  She died less than an hour later.  My family stopped speaking to me for over a year after that.

And why?  Because I "wanted Grandma to die".  Yes, I did.  I admit it.  I didn't want to walk in to her room alone one more time to see that no one had checked in on her all night and witness firsthand what happens as a living body starts to decompose.  That IS selfish, and I admit it.  But I also knew she wasn't coming back and I wanted her to go with the same dignity and grace with which she had lived her entire life.  My Grandma was 90 and still lived on her own.  She had even bought a sporty new car a few weeks before.  I guarantee she didn't want to die that way, with all of us watching and putting our lives on hold waiting.

So getting back to what I DO mind--not even allowing the debate.  No--there really is no debate, in my mind.  Disallowing a basic right.  I would never encroach on someone else's right to live as long as they want that way (well, so long as I'm not paying for it).  And I actually do believe in miracles.  But I think in certain circumstances there just can't be a miracle and we have to face reality.  Which I know is hard to do.  But why would we deny a terminal patient a peaceful end to their life?  For what?  Because you don't want that forced on you?  Fine!  Let everyone make their own decision.  And if you believe it's a sin to end your life before God does, you probably also believe that that person will have to deal with God on their own anyways, right?

I'm hoping this serves as my living will until I get around to signing one.  Which, by the way, only lets you avoid being put on life support--it doesn't prevent the same miserable death my Grandma had.  You don't have that right.