STUPID KITTY

There is nothing like the smell of cat piss to start the day off right! That's what we woke up to this morning...in a most unexpected place: our laundry basket. Luckily we had stopped putting clothes in the basket several weeks ago after some of them suspiciously had that distinctive cat piss odor...which doesn't wash out, by the way.



Once we had settled down, cleaned it up and gotten the cats out of hiding (they BOTH had a guilty look), we found out about the events of last night that led up to the now-infamous Cat-Piss-In-Laundry-Basket Incident: 2008 Edition.



It all started innocently enough with a forty of Schlitz Malt Liquor (follow that link - hilarious!) that Cole was able to buy despite the fact that his "fake ID" was actually David's ID from work. Cole & Sheila split it and then cracked open a dime bag of schwag (I spent time amongst potheads in college...studying their fascination with Phish so I knew right away the confiscated goods were just that...schwag). Well, Cole can't handle his THC and gets very paranoid. And the cheap intoxication of Schlitz only made the paranoia fodder for Sheila...she played him like a two-bit whore and convinced him that The Strangers were on our back patio (this would have scared the shit out of David too had he not been sound asleep).



Cole was so freaked out and under the influence that he refused to leave our bedroom. He stayed under our bed for 4 hours and 32 minutes while Sheila continued to play Digital Underground's "Humpty Dance" over and over again. Of course, drinking 20 ounces of cheap malt liquor is bound to catch up to you and Cole certainly does not have a bladder of steal. He had to "piss like a race whore" (his misuse, not mine) and crept out from under the bed. He saw the laundry basket and in his high / drunk state, thought to himself, "OH THANK JEEBUS! They moved the litterbox in here! Well, now...I'll just hop on in...I don't remember the sides being so high...and didn't this thing have a top...and guys sure need to put more litter in here...WHO THE F PUT A HANGER IN MY LITTERBOX? OH SHIT, WAS THAT THE STRANGERS!?!? NOBODY HERE, STRANGERS!"



And that's how the cat piss got in our laundry basket. So once Cole recovers from the night, I am going to hang this picture above our laundry basket to remind cole that it isn't his "pissin' hole":

Mario Batali's Brown Line Adventure!

OK, so I'm sure it wasn't REALLY Mario Batali, but the guy on the train did really look like him.  

Red hair tied back in ponytail?  Check!  Beard?  Check!  Figure?  Check!  Sloppy style?  Check!  

The only thing missing were the Crocs.  I assume he wears them even when not in the kitchen, though they didn't mention that on his Chefography.  Also, I picture MB as tall.  This guy wasn't.

Another interesting thing on my train ride home (don't get too excited as it's not that great) -- I saw a man reading a Russian/Polish entertainment mag.  I didn't recognize any of the "stars", but there was one article that looked promising.  Some woman in a slinky black dress was singing and sloppy drunk (presumably on Vodka).  But, as I cannot read the language and do not talk to strangers, I guess we'll never know.

How did I end up on the "old man" mailing list?

I just got a subscription offer from Reader's Digest, and I want to know why.  I'm not even thirty yet!  They provide a "summary of benefits" with the offer.  A small sampling of what is listed:

• 50 very funny jokes and stories each month
• 12 Celebrity profiles
• Thousands of tips to make life easier, safer and more fun
• 15 new vocabulary words every month to increase your word power

Clearly this digest is meant for people who have never been online (though they DO have a web presence).  I can get all of that from YouTube and Wikipedia.    And also, safer?  Like what, exactly?  How to spot a terrorist in a crowded room?  Remembering to check your smoke detector batteries twice a year?  How to spot telemarketing scams before they happen to you?

I wonder if this has anything to do with my recent purchase of a new nose hair trimmer.  That's right, I said new.  My old one died.

Color Correction Part Deux--J's Suggestions

I do like the dark chocolate brown idea (that I suggested in my comment to D's post), but this (although--not that baby-blue) would be interesting...

But I also like the yellow idea... like this:

Or then there is lavendar-gray. Like a silvery purple?

Color Correction

In preparation for my parents coming to visit (in 2.5 weeks!), P and I will be painting our bedroom this long weekend!  I'm excited, and P is not.  This is necessary for two reasons:

1. The paint job in our apartment is crap.  Our landlord painted it with color, which is a nice change of pace from normal apartment living, but they cheaped out on the type of paint.  It gets dirty very easily, and when you try to wash it, it comes off on the sponge.  
   
2. My parents got P and I a lovely duvet cover for Christmas, as well as some paintings for the wall.  The problem: the duvet cover and painting colors do not go with the current scheme in our bedroom, so they remain in the packaging in which they came.  

Here's where you come in.  I need color suggestions for the walls, please.  The duvet cover looks like this (ours is in blue) :

The paintings are a dark indigo blue, with white frames, and a very similar color to the duvet as an accent.  So, what do you think?  The other catch is, we have a faux fur coverlet that is a deep red.  I was thinking grey walls, but P says that is boring.  

Please engage in a lively discussion via post comments.

Are you trying to tell me something?

I have this friend (we'll call her "J") who absolutely refuses to add me as a friend on Facebook.  I'm trying not to take offense, but it's getting pretty hard to ignore.  I mean, I thought we were close.  I was in her wedding, even!  And we practically lived together in Denver.  Sometimes we'd spend the entire weekend together.  That is, until either (1) she'd start to stink (she showers an average of .5 times per weekend) or (2) one of us got annoyed with the other.  I'm not sure what I could have done.  Except... well, I'm keeping her sunglasses held hostage.  But is THAT enough to prevent e-networking?  This blogger thinks not!  OK fine.  I'll TRY to remember to go to the Post Office this weekend.  I promise.  But, I'll ONLY do that if J adds me as a friend on Facebook.  

Come back to me, J. Come back to Cold Mountain.

An Apology

Sorry, readers, for the dearth of posts lately. I know the other two are busy at work and therefore haven't the luxury I have of staring at a computer all day. As for myself, well... I just can't seem to think of much to blog about. Are there any requests? suggestions? starters?

The Two Monas

As many of you know, I often ride my bike along the Cherry Creek Trail to work. If you continue on the Trail past my office, you get to Confluence Park which is where the REI Flagship Store is located. It's a lovely little area called Riverfront: there is a park, tons of new architecture, Vitamin Cottage, and a little shopping area with Proto's Pizza, The Spice Store and a Wine Shop I have never been in, but hear the guy who owns it hand-picks wine and has a good relatively inexpensive selection.

There is also Mona's Restaurant which is blue on the outside, has a pair of mannequin legs crossed over its doorway and a large beguiling black and white mural of Mona Lisa on its east outside wall. (If I had a camera, I would post a pic. Alas.) I decided to walk up there for lunch and then decided to try the restaurant since, for once, there didn't seem to be a crowd.

I wasn't impressed by the menu. Pretty standard fare. They are only open for breakfast and lunch, so there were egg dishes, french toast, eggs Benedict, a breakfast burrito, blueberry pancakes. (For lunch: sandwiches) Nothing jumped out at me, so I went for the cheapest and ordered the huevos rancheros. It arrived very quickly (maybe five minutes after I ordered, if even). I was so pleasantly surprised. Turns out, this wasn't standard fare. (Again, if I had a camera...) The pinto beans and cheese were spread on the dish, topped with a lightly-fried flour tortilla bowl. Inside were my eggs, a delicious pork green chile, lettuce, tomatoes, topped with guacamole. And garnished with a lime. It was delicious and simple and so pretty. It was such a lovely addition to my day!

Dave and I have noticed a Mona's on Broadway a few blocks down from where we live. I wondered if it had the same owners as the Riverfront restaurant. Apparently so. It seems to me the one on Broadway looked more like a dinner-type place, somewhat fancy. And something reminded me of Greek food (a sign maybe? *shrug*) I will be sure to review that location soon!

Maaaahhhhwwwwwaaage

Today, California's highest court ruled that denying same-sex couples the right to marry is unconstitutional, granting loving, committed gay and lesbian couples the dignity and support their relationships have so long been denied.


Well, duh. I am a student of American history and The Law. I totally understand the opposition to gay marriage (while I do not sympathize with it, I think anti-gay rights people make their position very clear: they think it's immoral and since the government tries to prevent other immoral acts, like murder, they think it's the government's role to try to prevent this particular immoral act. There are quite a number of things wrong with this premise, namely: being gay is not universally considered immoral and even something as seemingly straight(ha!)forward as murder has its own exceptions). However, what people opposed to the legality of gay marriage fail to understand, beyond the whole civil rights issue (for further study, submit "right to privacy and the Constitution" to Google) is the legal issue of marriage.

Marriage is two-fold. On one side is the Church which represents the spiritual/religious side of marriage. However, the Church does not control marriage in this country. For example, you don't have to have a Christian church perform the ceremony to be married. Nor do you have to have a religious ceremony to be married. However, you DO have to follow certain legal formalities to be considered married (even to be considered common-law married).

The legal side of marriage is where the state comes in (not the federal government, dillweeds). The state's role, historically, is to uphold the contract of marriage. There are many traditional reasons the state became involved in marriage, but fundamentally it was to enforce the contract. The right to freedom of contract (basically, that consenting adults have the right to strike a bargain among themselves and expect that they can legally enforce their rights and the obligations of the other parties in a court of law) is one that I know opponents to gay marriage hold dear. Who doesn't? Can you imagine if you sold something to someone else under a contract, they took the item but refused to pay you, but a court told you you're SOL, contract or not? No! We rely on the government to enforce the agreement s we enter into.

Of course, illegal contracts are not upheld by the courts (so if you hire someone to kill your neighbor and sign a contract, the contract cannot be enforced). So opponents want to make gay marriage illegal. But there is no basis for doing so. So long as two adults consent, they can determine the nature of their relationship and it is the government's duty to honor the contract they form together.

I think instead, opponents of gay marriage should work on their churches. Churches have the right to determine whether to honor certain types of marriages. For example, the Catholic Church used to refuse to marry people who had been divorced (I think they've loosened up on this one, right?). But the state does not have the same power.

It used to. In the past, different states have made bi-racial marriages illegal. They have made family planning illegal. They have made certain sex acts illegal.

If people really thought about the implications of the government telling you who you can marry and define what your relationship should be --how many people would support that and be willing to apply it to their marriage?

Songs for a bad day

So I officially had a bad day. I'm in the ICU right now and one or our patients coded (i.e., cardiac arrest) and died. She was very young (late 20s) and after she had passed, we realized that it was her birthday. The first time she coded, we got a pulse back for a little bit and then lost it again and were in the middle of compressions when they let the mother come in...she walked up to the bed and told them to stop compressions and then started to thank everyone for the care they had given her daughter. I almost lost it. I often am close to losing it when a code goes poorly and someone dies and it's worse when they are young and you see the family reacting. I guess that's one reason I'm glad I'm not an MD.

On the way home, I cranked in to some of my favorite "bad day" songs and I don't know about you but sometimes I like to listen to sad songs. And so here are a few of my favorites for days like this (in the order in which I think of them):

1. "Asleep" by the Smiths (the lyrics = totally depressing)
2. "One" by U2 (U2 has so many good songs like this...)
3. "Breath Me" by Sia (featured in the last sequence of Six Feet Under...which ALWAYS makes me lose it)
4. "A Bad Dream" by Keane (featured in the scene where Carla says goodbye to a dying Laverne, one of the nurses on Scrubs)
5. "How To Disappear Completely" by Radiohead
6. "Fade Into You" by Mazzy Star
7. "I Know" by Jude
8. "Famous Blue Raincoat" by Leonard Cohen (but best performed by Tori Amos)
9. "Dissolved Girl" by Massive Attack
10. "Milk" by Garbage (no idea what the lyrics mean but the music is very sad)
11. "You Have Been Loved" by George Michael

If I had more time, I would link these to sites where you could listen but I have to make dinner.

P.S. To all my loyal fans, sorry I haven't posted much lately...*usual song and dance*

Madonna concert, here we come!

We bought our Madonna tickets today!  We're in section 101, row 11.  The last time I did a presale, we were in section 5.  There were absolutely no floor tickets available, and I got my tickets less than a minute after they went on sale.  I assume that blank space in front of section will be stage as it was the last time.  If so, our seats aren't SO bad, but we won't be able to see Madonna sweat this time.  :(  

You can catch me poppin' now...

As I mentioned in my last post, one of my favorite songs from Madonna's new album is Heartbeat.  In the song, Madonna sings, "You can catch me poppin' now... droppin' now.  Ain't no stoppin' now.  Are you watchin' now?"  In my constant attempt to improve my dancing skills*, I wanted to see if I could learn how I might go about "poppin' that".  Turns out this is what that would look like.  In answer to Madonna's question: YES!  I AM watchin' now.  How could I NOT?  However, I'm fairly certain this will not wind up in the skills section of my resume in the near future.

EDIT: I didn't actually watch the entire video before posting it.  I'm not sure if she's pregnant or just fat.  Can anyone else tell? I mean, I know they SAY she's pregnant but...

*I am never ever successful. Rhythm and I do not get along.

This is VERY funny to me.

Wanted: Catchy Posts

I'm just going to come out and say it: I can't think of anything to blog about. I was going to write about how Starbucks makes me feel, but now... well, I don't want to be judged by other people for putting my feelings on display. I thought I would just click the "New Post" link and type to see if anything creative might happen.

One thing that IS exciting in my life right now: Madonna just announced that her "Sticky & Sweet" Tour kicks off this fall! I know what most of you are thinking: "WTF kind of sick-ass name is THAT for a tour?!" Well, one of her songs ("Candyshop") is full of candy terms that have sexual connotations. In it, she not only repeats "sticky and sweet" many times, she also says things like "my sugar is raw" and "I've got turkish delight baby and so much more". Despite what it probably sounds like to someone who hasn't heard the song, it's catchy. As is the entire album. I would encourage you to at least have a listen to a couple of tracks. My current faves are "Give it 2 Me", "Heartbeat" and "Beat Goes On (feat. Kanye West)". Where was I? Oh right! The Tour! Tickets go on presale to fan club members on Monday at 10am, so you know where I'll be. The last time I got tickets this way, we could see her sweat on stage!

*replayed joke for some of you* I think I just peed my pants in anticipation... now I'M sticky and sweet.

On a good day: bemused; on a bad day: enraged

Dave has commented about this SAME THING to me: why do certain people who comment on news websites think anyone CARES about what they have to say? I understand comments about the way the news is reported. I do not understand a posting of how the news makes me feel. The general exception being national tragedies, I suppose, where people need to reach out to others who feel the same as part of a universal healing process.

Specifically, this is the type of thing I am referring to:

Show me the lemon, Starbucks!

by Al Lewis on May 6, 2008

All I want is a damn lemon for my iced tea. It’s a $2.10 drink that they make for pennies. Is it too much to ask for a lemon? Or even a package of lemon concentrate?

When I brought this to the attention of the top brass at Starbucks,
all they gave me was the run-around.

The best Starbucks executive vice president Michelle Gass could do for me was refer me to mystarbucksidea.com and suggest that I write down my comments there.

COMMENTS:

I also prefer lemon-flavored iced tea. When I make a gallon jug of sun tea at home, I include a bag of Celestial Seasonings Lemon Zinger along with the Lipton Cold Brew tea bags. For a stronger lemon flavor, I sometimes use 2 bags of Zinger. I’ve also used lemon-flavored Crystal Light On the Go Hydration in my iced tea. The main purpose of that product is to flavor bottled water, but it works good in tea, both hot and cold.

ANOTHER COMMENT:

Denver is a Party Town

The reason Denver residents can’t participate in high quality public education through Charter Schools is because they are unfortunate enough to live and stay in the City and County of Denver. Yes, Denver is a liberally run, Democratic Party Town. One of the biggest constituencies and politically influential lobbies of the DNC is the National Teachers Association and National Education Assoc. (a.k.a.Teacher’s Unions). Public School Teacher unions (K-12) don’t want competition. Teacher unions don’t like school vouchers or charter or even magnet schools. Instead, teachers unions want more money and political power, often at the expense of someone else.

The one thing these leaches don’t want to do is to be held accountable or have to perform at a higher standard. Too bad if your kids live in a big city like Denver, where Federally ordered school busing is still the law. (Even if you lived near a good public school, your kids would be required to attend a more distant, mediocre inner city school with more ethnic diversity and higher crime.

It is all about dumbing down the next generation so all they can do is work for foreign-owned or managed sweat shops or be the equivalent of Turkish Mamluks in the Corporate or Government Bureaucracy.

I found this picture on Google when I searched for "disbelief". She definitely expresses the annoyance/boredom I feel towards these commentaters. I call it simply: "MM-HMMM..."

Pike Place

What IS it I find so damn charming about Starbucks? I was standing in line this morning admiring their artistic collection of promotional items advertising the Pike Place Blend of coffee, which (as if you don't already know) is in honor of the very first Starbucks on Pike Place in Seattle, 1971. The new cup logo (I wouldn't know first hand, I always bring my mug)is a throwback to their original logo showing a siren. But the original logo was too racy, so the later version (the one we probably all know--in green) was just the siren's head. They chose the name Starbucks after a character in Moby Dick. I know all this because I looked it up long ago, so early was my near-infatuation with the "local" coffee shop. What I did just recently learn, though, is that the 3 founders were 2 teachers and a writer. Perhaps my intellect is drawn somehow to their coffee?

Another thing I LOVE about Starbucks is the Pick of the Week. Every Tuesday, they put out a stack of cards on the counter for that week's free song from iTunes. I never remember to go on Tuesday, but they inevitably have some still lying around when I DO go. Has no one else picked up on this? The songs are generally very good! For anyone looking for a worthwhile freebie, I encourage you to go to Starbucks!

Jenn to the rescue!

Honestly, people, I am busy, too, but the Blog is one of the reasons I actually make it to work in the morning!

I went to Montrose, CO for a trial yesterday afternoon. It's a 5 hour drive from Denver and just beautiful. I took 285 to 50
View Larger Map which takes you over a few passes, through some crazy curves, overlooking wide valleys and finally opens up on the Western Slope.

I stayed at a Bed and Breakfast which I have never done before and it was perfect! It felt like a vacation! I will save details of the B&B for my next blog, when I get my pics up.

The trial was very interesting. It was my first. Nothing too exciting--it was a clear-cut contracts case, but the other attorney was a piece of work--I got to object and rebut and make all sorts of lawyer moves I learned on Law & Order. Kidding! No, really, practice in the courtroom is different from your every day practice as a lawyer, but I held my own. It was funny because everytime I made an objection, I didn't stand up and say, "objection!", I would politely interrupt and say, "Excuse me, Your Honor, but I don't understand the relevance of this line of questioning." You're supposed to name the reason you object anyways, so I figured this was good practice. Apparently it was because I won. I'd be more excited if it had been a tough case or one where I really wanted Justice to prevail. But it was just about money, who owes how much. * sigh *

Anyways, having to travel to another part of the state reminded me 1. how beautiful Colorado is and how much there is to discover within a day's drive of Denver, and 2. how important it is to get away sometimes. Much as I missed my husband, my house, my cats, my email and this Blog, it was still nice to get away from it all. It forced me to relax (although, I would have been a lot MORE relaxed if I hadn't been preparing for, or at least thinking about, trial).

For the love of Wii

If you still need a reason to get a Wii, I have one for you: Mario Kart Wii.  First of all, it has many of the tracks from previous games that you know and love (Rainbow Road anyone? Pwa pwa pwa pwaaaa pwa-pwa pwaaaaaaaa pwaaaaaaa!) only with updated graphics.  This Mario Kart is better because you actually "drive" with a steering wheel that you hold in front of you.  AND, you can play online with people from around the world.  AND, you can play with friends simply by registering their Wii ID with your system.  S, L and I used to have all-day Mario Kart matches -- that is until L got carsick and had to stop playing.  You can play with up to 12 people in this version!  

And another reason for you to get a Wii: Wii Fit.  I promise I'll exercise if P buys me this!  At least once a week :)

For the Love of Pickles

I discovered these little packs of pickles at the store. They're so HANDY! I do realize that I could buy a jar of pickles and put them in a small container, which I fully intend to do, but just wanted to give Mt. Olive's pickle pak its due for rekindling my love of pickles.

A Time for Peace

I second P's expressed frustration with the news of late. I'm no therapist, but seems to me a lot of people (the everyday kind and the media) are doing a lot of emotional reacting these days. Isn't that what feeds the news, anyways? We want drama! Scandal! Tragedy! Fear!

Well, I'm done for a bit. Just taking a break. I am going to focus on paying down my credit card bills with my stimulus payment. (I know W asked me to go spend it, but I already DID.) I am going to focus on planting a garden in my backyard. I am going to focus on eating organic and shopping local farmer's markets. I am going to focus on what I really want to do for work. Nice things. Things about Hope and Happiness and a Brighter Future. I'm not going to argue for it anymore. People have to decide for themselves what they want.

But my advice to my President is to stop indulging in the defensive spiral. Don't defend the pastor of your church--talk about the fact that you are the only one of the candidates to regularly attend the same church for 20 years. Don't defend HIS comments--when asked, just remind people that the only person who speaks for you is you. Let certain people get their panties in a bunch. It's funny to watch.